I am surprised. I am even astounded. My eyes open wide upon hearing and reading what others think of me and how they view me. Have you ever had anyone tell you something about yourself that you were not expecting? Something that you would not have been able to notice about yourself if someone else hadn't mentioned it? Something that you don't see in yourself and that, perhaps (for that very reason), you don't believe or find it hard to believe?
Such a thing happened to me. When things get stressful, I have a tendency to get depressed or to feel frustrated. It feeds my ego to think that I will be able to handle everything, everything that comes my way. "Sure, pile more things upon me. I will be able to do it," I find myself saying internally sometimes. Yet, at other times, I am screaming the contrary. You see, I would like to think that I have the strength to handle whatever comes my way and to handle it effectively. But, you know what? I have to realize that I am only human. I am not superwoman and I will never, ever be. Why be so hard on myself? This only creates more frustration and disappointment. Whenever I cannot accomplish everything I have planned to complete, I feel like I have failed somehow. I feel like I cannot do it right, you know? And knowing that I am only human, that perfection is just an illusion, that all of these shoulds and oughts and have tos only set me up for disappointment and frustration because of the emotional burden of obligation, that I will never be perfect on this earth, that I can get more things done if I just understand and respect myself, that I will breathe easier if I just realize that I have limitations and that I cannot achieve excellence trying to do more than what I can handle...knowing all of this and still coming back to the same tendencies...frustrates me even more. So I don't particularly see myself as a warrior or as someone who holds her head up high at all times...regardless.
But then...I get this comment on my facebook page in response to this status update: [Status] "I am having a headache. Too many changes and important decisions to make, so little time to adapt and make the needed decisions. / Tengo dolor de cabeza. Tantas decisiones y cambios importantes, tan poco tiempo para adaptarse y tomar las decisiones necesarias."
[Wonderful, unexpected comment] "You will be okay. One thing I have learned about you is that no matter what happens, you have always kept your head up. So no matter what decision you make, it will be the right one."
I mean...wow. Keeping the slice of myself I just cut and handed to you, can you imagine how I felt when I read this? It amazes me what people see in me that I cannot see in myself. Sometimes I think that they are talking about a totally different person. It is my innermost longing that one day, I will be able to see in my self what others see in me.