What is the most honest, purest, kindest, and simplest human love of all?
A child's love

Yesterday, as I entered the church for Bible study, I was received by two adorable kids. Both smiled upon seeing me. One said my name with excitement and the other just ran to me to embrace me. Their smiles and arms were wide open, the sparkle of emotion in their little eyes. I could not help but smile. I bent down to hug them and both asked their mommy if they could sit with me. Since the mom and I are friends, she allowed them to. The beautiful boy of tanned skin and green eyes looked at me with such innocence and trust. The beautiful girl of brown eyes and sharp mind excitedly sat besides me and placed her stuff besides mine eagerly talking to me. And I was touched.

Think about this. The love a child has for you is free from all the complicated, sentimental, cautionary flags we "grown ups" have. They love you for who you are and how you treat them, flaws and all. If you treat them well and respect them, they return that a hundred fold. If you accidentally fail them; they don't hold a grudge for the next 30 years or so. They can forgive so easily and love you the same (if you correct the mistake and stop doing it, that is). Watch a parent discipline his/her child. Then wait for a while and see that child coming back to the arms of mommy or daddy to find comfort. I have seen parents physically correcting their children and have witnessed how that child goes to the very person who corrected them for a comforting hug. This baffles me and it makes me wonder if we, the "grown ups" could ever love like that...or at the very least come close to that. 

When you feel those little hands on your face; when those small, innocent eyes look at you with excitement and happiness to be with you; when they cry because you are leaving them and they reach out to you with unrestrained emotions etched on their uncomplicated faces; when they squeeze you in their arms and tell you "I love you;" when you accidentally hit them (and you feel like the most horrible person on the planet) and you apologize and instead of receiving a barrage of insults and attitudes you receive a hug; when you are seen as a source of comfort and protection by one who truly and wholeheartedly believes you can protect them because you are strong and powerful (in their eyes); when they kiss you with those little lips of theirs; when they cling to you in a hug or try to help you with your stuff even though they can't carry them...oh the pureness of that love. It warms my heart and makes me long to be able to love like that....while handling with care the complications of our "grown-up-mess."

You see, I believe that even with the complications of a life that is no longer a child, we can love purely. It is difficult, especially in a society that bombards us with so many negative and distorted messages of self-image and love. But, we are more than what we see. We are more than meets the eye. We have the power to choose to be the change we want to see in the world. We can complain all we want about how messed up the world is; but, what are you doing to contribute to change? You may not be able to change the entire world but you can sure contribute to it and become a positive and contagious influence. Look at the great men and women who made history. Did they make a dent in history by passively complaining and debating without action? No. Instead, they visualized what they wanted, talked about it, and actively tried to achieve their dream, their goal. If we make it our goal to purify ourselves from so much negative garbage this world throws at us and we work actively and with determination towards that goal, we will be able to reach it and live healthier lives. But it begins with you. It begins with me. It begins with challenging all that hurts us and finding concrete evidence instead of just believing what it is said or screamed to us. Let us not accept negative words so fast, so easily. Excruciatingly analyze them and investigate if they are REALLY true. Don't believe in lies. Believe in truth. Truth will set you free. Realize that love is not gained physically as much as it is gained internally. Let us not focus on what we can see but rather what lies beyond. There are many hidden treasures to discover. 

Votes are in. The moment of truth has arrived. It is time to show you...*drum roll* ...my face! This is a matter of national security. Please be advised that what you are about to see has never been seen before in Xangaland (unless you visited my site 5 - 4 years ago). Please remain calm and do not run away by what you are about to see. I assure you the images mean no harm and only want to appease the voters. *Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* The Xanga Security Service has issued this warning. What you are about to see may or may not affect you. We hope to have the situation under control and prevent a massive run away. Please remain calm. *Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

...But first some back ground info, 'kay? (losing your patience yet?)
Name: Of many...Abby
Hair type: Wavy throughout, curly ends.
Weight: Ha! As if I would let you know. Let's call it...slenderrrr (roll your tongue here).
Color of eyes: Dark brown
Ethnicity: Puerto Rican
Ancestry: As far as I know: Spaniards, Africans, Native American
Languages I know fully: Spanish and English. I am fully bilingual.
Languages I know a **little bit**: Italian (speak and read), Japanese (only speak)
Languages I would love to learn: Italian, maybe Japanese
Hobbies: Sing; read manga, novels, and blogs; write; watch novelas (Spanish soap operas); seek a deeper meaning to things; scolding myself; Xanga; Facebook; fighting with my hair; pulling small pranks, tickling others, being a clown with my friends.

(Still have some patience in you? Here's more, hehehehehehe)

Weird things that people have noticed about me are...

1. When I am sleepy and tired and I am forced to function, I have been known to reverse the order of words, talk backwards at times, make far out and plain strange analogies, all of a sudden throw deep, philosophical comments then go back to silliness. I become ridiculously random.
2. I like poking belly buttons and bellies
3. I sleep with 1 or 2 books on my bed and feel awkward if I do not have a book with me.
4. I love textures and have been known to ask people for permission to touch their clothes (even if I do not know them and we've just been introduced. Usually my next sentence after, "Nice to meet you" is "I love your skirt/shirt (ect.). Can I touch it?")
5. I absolutely adore people's hair. I have been caught, several times, staring at someone because of their hair. Sometimes, I can't resist the urge and I have to ask them if I can touch their hair.

So if I ever meet you in person and you have a book with you expect me to get really excited and ask you what you are reading, what it is about, what is your favorite character and why. Then I will ask you how many books you have read, what are your favorite authors, wanna have a coffee with me, do you write, what do you write, what genre is your favorite, and on and on. Yes, I will definitely get excited.

Also, if I ever met you in person and you have a nice shirt or whatever with soft feel to it...expect me to touch it. This worsens if you have longish hair, straight or curly, thick or thin, and it is shiny and soft and smells nice. I will most definitely like to touch it, even mess it up a weeny bit, just a little.

And if you have a belly button...well...I probably won't poke you because I don't know you well.

(Patience go-?) *Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeep* We interrupt this message to satisfy your curiosity already and shut her up. Warning: ...man just refer to the top, will ya? That being said *Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeep*

Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump (my heartbeat). Yikes! Oh....here is how I look already *Shrinks back in fearful anticipation*
          
 With glasses:

    

(Second picture is a younger me)

This is me now:

  

I am currently trying to escape life. She has kidnapped me since my last post and has numbed my brain with her anesthesia. Once I manage to outsmart her, I shall return. I just managed to escape from the dark room and go to it's headquarters computer lab to post this. Wish me the best of luck as I learn ninjutsu and manage to escape life's hold being the ninja I know I can be.

Oh yeah! Recovery!   *Checks to see if life or any of her guards are walking by and sprints to the computer* 

I am doing so much better. I can use my arm as far as I feel comfortable. I can do pretty much everything except stretch it, raise my arm all the way up (so I still cannot wear t-shirts),  sleep on that side (boohoo because I love to sleep on my side hugging my pillow. It's kinda cute, actually...well...when I don't droll, of course), reach all the way in front of and/or behind me, double joint the arm (boohoo too because I love to gross people out with it) and shave properly. It is kind of hard when you have a 3 inch scar across your arm pit to shave, especially those hairs on the edges on the scar. I know I probably gave you too much information but...oh well. Oh and I have more for ya. *Does a quick check on the security around the computer lab*  I went for a doctor's appointment on October 5th and, thank God, there were no fluids to be extracted. The least thing I wanted was a long needle up my arm pit. Eeek. Anyway, all the tape strips have fallen so the scar is bare. The internal stitches (because the cut was deep) will go away  on their own in 4 - 6 weeks but the tissue will take about 3-4 months to re-build and mature. Some of the nerves are coming back and the wound is healed. All there is left to do is wait for the tissue to re-build and mature and see how it goes. Who is not willing to wait, though, are the anesthesiologists. I am being charged for everything - the interview before surgery, the blood work done then, the room, 3 (of which I can pinpoint 2) anesthesia, how many questions I asked the nurses, the blankets I used, the letters in my bracelet...each, hehe. Seriously, I wonder if they charged my heartbeats per minute . I'm joking. I know surgeries are expensive. I just thank God that it wasn't anything complicated and that the liquid that accumulated on the site of the surgery was absorbed and resolved by my own body. *Hears some footsteps approaching*

Oh, oh, oh...gotta go friends. I'll see when I can escape again, 'kay?  *Mission impossible song in the background as I sneak out*

The surgery went very well. The staff was very friendly and understanding of my fear of needles and talked to me with tenderness. The nurse who put the IV in my arm was very good and told me when the needles (2 of them - 1 a medicine and the other the IV) were going in. The worst part was the IV because I felt it going into my vein but after it was inside, I did not feel it anymore. Then the anethesiologist came in and told me that they were going to give me some medicine to help me relax and I was out for the rest of the morning. I woke up at the recovery room where my mom waited to help me get dressed. Since I was like a zombie, the nurse helped me to get onto a wheelchair and took me to the car where I passed out. I don't remember the car ride and I can barely remember when I got out of the car. That day, my mom had to feed me a super delicious chicken broth that she had made especially for me. I was so hungry that I ate 4 bowls of it throughout the day. I spent the day on bed sleeping and waking up occasionally due to the effects of the anesthesia.

Then today came. Today I woke up with a pounding heachache and with my stomach feeling upset. The effect of the anesthesia was wearing off and I began to feel everything. Luckily, I was able to catch my dad before he got ready for work early in the morning and was able to get his help. I need help getting off the bed because I cannot exert too much force with the muscles of my right armpit, which was where the surgery took place to remove something that should have been there at all. But anyway, I had to take my medicine today for the pain and discovered that my neck was also stiff. But I took the medicine after eating breakfast and laid down for a while. The medicine took its effect and now I can use my arm just a little bit more than before. I can brush my teeth and eat now. So far, I am doing good.

The doctor's orders was for me not to do any strenuous activity because all the muscles are connected and no lifting with my right arm. Also my diet has to be devoid of excessive spices (a blow to my Hispanic stomach but I will survive) due to how delicate my stomach would be after the anesthesia wore off. I can use the computer pretty well but I type a little slower now and have to move my torso when I would otherwise move my arm.

Sorry this is not fun but I wanted to update you as to how I am doing. Thank you for your good wishes and your prayers!

I blame this entry entirely on MyxlDove. His power of interestingness (just made that up) magnetically moved my mouse pointer to his blog. Then, when I got to his blog, his interestingness hypnotized me so I had to read it until the end and *pow!* I was bound by the compromise of making my 10 confessions. *Sighs* I guess it is not his fault...so...I forgive him .

Here we go. My confessions are...*Drum roll*

1. I had never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich until college.
   
2. I did not even know of Harry Potter and Star Wars and Lord of the Rings until college.
3. I like to cry. It is a good soul cleanser.
4. I have a soft spot for guys with dimples.
5. I like to poke people's bellies. It's like a compulsion, like I...can't...control...*Pokes*
6. I like bellybuttons.
7. I have been nicknamed the bellybutton ninja for my surprise bellybutton poking attacks.
   
8. My favorite video game is Final Fantasy 7. I am even a member of a secret Facebook group that writes RP stories in which I have been romantically paired with: Zack Fair, Angeal, and even SEPHIROTH!
   
9. I am a very instrospectual (just made that up) individual and am very much in tune with my inner world.
10. I am a kid at heart even though I am an old soul. 

So there you have it. I am going to be like many other bloggers and try to entice you. *Plays subliminal music* If you read this blog, you are required to do one. You knooooow you waaaant to do this. You are feeling very honest now. Your fingers have a tingling sensation in them. You feel that you must write something. You feel an attraction towards your computer. You feel it calling you, seducing you to come and type your confessions for xanga to know. Yes, let yourself be hypnotized.

Confess...confess...confess...confess...